


Customer Service Sucks

by Shirohibiki



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 00:29:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10686048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirohibiki/pseuds/Shirohibiki
Summary: Long ago, the first ever Krusty Krab Pizza was invented, and was delivered to someone who utterly refused it due to the lack of a drink he never ordered. His aggression towards food-related matters subsequently became infamous. Years later, Tom ‘IT TOOK THREE DAYS TO MAKE THIS POTATO SALAD!’ Smith is throwing yet another tantrum over his food at the Krusty Krab, taking his anger out on Spongebob. Spongebob is obviously upset by this, and Squidward is infuriated by it – instead of bloodying his knuckles this time, though, he goes to see if he can comfort his neighbor. Squidbob, written for my humanization AU: http://www.shirohibiki.tumblr.com/spongebobau





	Customer Service Sucks

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to change rats into some sort of sea creature but I couldn't think of anything that fit the pun of the movie title 'Ratatouille.' :/ So... I guess they're sea rats. Not part of the main storyline, just a one-off. I know I always literally write the same thing and I'm sorry. ): Pre-relationship, and while the feelings between them aren’t entirely mentioned, they’re certainly there.

“Y’know, I’ve been coming here for a LONG TIME, and I deserve only the BEST food for my loyalty. So what do I get for this? Today, I asked for my kids’ patties to be well-done. _WELL. DONE._ Y’know what that means? **IT MEANS THERE AIN’T NO PINK IN IT, KID.** ”

 

Ah, _Tom Smith._ Easily the Krusty Krab’s most abrasive customer. He had a tendency to be weirdly picky about food – if anything was wrong, you would _absolutely_ know about it. Nothing seemed to anger him more than food and nobody knew why. He didn’t always cause a fuss, but when he did, it wasn’t pretty.

* * *

 

The first time Spongebob experienced Tom’s wrath was long, long ago when Mr. Krabs had invented the Krusty Krab Pizza. He and Squidward had been tasked to deliver it to a customer’s house. It should have been a simple task, but… It turned into a huge journey because the pair got lost on their way. After what seemed like eons, they arrived, and Spongebob proudly presented Tom with the first Krabby Patty Pizza ever. Tom took one look at him and asked where the drink he’d ordered was. The fact of the matter was, he hadn’t actually asked for one, so Spongebob didn’t have it – thusly, Tom’s anger flared. He lambasted Spongebob for not bringing it, subsequently slamming the door in his face. There were to be plenty more incidents after that.

“You call yourself a _frycook_? _I_ can cook better meat than this! Maybe I should take your job, eh?” Tom loomed menacingly over a cowering Spongebob Squarepants, who only clutched his spatula against his chest. “Go make them again, and make them RIGHT this time, kid. _WELL DONE,”_ he snarled. He then turned on his heel, bubbles forming behind him with the motion, and stormed back to his table to wait with his children who were all, of course, complaining. Spongebob utterly deflated and slumped back to his grill to fill the order.

 

It was Squidward’s opinion that the customer was almost always _wrong_. 

 

While many of the Krusty Krab’s patrons were polite, _normal_ people, there were also those who were complete rotten assholes. The horror stories of customer service. The ones you prayed you wouldn’t encounter, but without fail, you would. Tom was undoubtedly the worst of them, and others like Harold were also known for occasional outbursts. It was absurd – they got to treat the employees however they wanted and never had any repercussions for it. They were always served what they were asked for. Customer service was bullshit. It was unfair. It was just plain _wrong._ These people could whine about the simplest of things – missing sesame seeds on their bun? Throw it out and make a new one. Fries slightly crispier and smokier than usual? Toss it and cook up a fresh batch. Romaine lettuce instead of iceberg? Better get ready to redo everything or make sure you have that refund! Go fetch your manager while you’re at it and consider yourself a failure because one single little detail was amiss. You were wrong and the customer was right. You’d always lose _that_ battle.

How was it fair? How was it reasonable that Tom’s behavior was simply accepted? Why was he allowed to terrorize the person making his food just because the patties were slightly pinker than he wanted them to be? One could only hope he didn’t speak to his loved ones in the same way. As he watched the scene unfold from the cash register, Squidward found his jaw tightening and his fists clenching at his sides. He glared daggers in Tom’s direction. Oh, he was _so_ ready to deck that guy. He’d done it once, and he would do it again if needed. He absolutely could not _stand_ him. The way he treated Spongebob… It incited a fury deep within him. He didn’t quite know why it bothered him so much… He didn’t know why he cared, but he _did_ – and actually, he could feel that he cared more now than ever. No one was allowed to treat Spongebob like that.

 

_No one._

If there was one thing Squidward didn’t like, it was Spongebob being bullied. A tad ironic, since he had a tendency to… Not be so nice to Spongebob… But it was different! No, really, it was _different_. It wasn’t acceptable when he himself did mean things either, but _these_ people! These people weren’t Spongebob’s neighbor! They didn’t _~~secretly maybe kind of like him deep down!~~_ AND, some of them even got physical with him and THAT was just _entirely_ unacceptable. Flats Flounder came to mind. Spongebob did all he could for his customers and Squidward couldn’t stand to see them hurt him. (His own behavior required further analysis, but he refused to believe he was on _that_ level.)

Squidward was still seething as Tom returned to his seat. The wait wasn’t long – a defeated frycook soon emerged from the kitchen with a tray of patties. There was an audible hesitancy in his steps. “Here’s… Your order, sir,” Spongebob said in a small voice, sliding the tray onto the table. The customer sneered at him.

“Yeah, you’d better hope they’re _right_ this time, or I’m taking this to your boss.” Spongebob said nothing as Tom cut one of the steaming patties in half to take a peek inside. Finding they were satisfactorily browned, he grunted, nodding. “Good. You managed _not_ to mess it up. This had better not happen again. Oh, and one more thing, kid – you _did_ remember to put at least seven ice cubes in my diet Dr. Kelp, right?” Spongebob froze with the question at first, praying he had, because he did NOT want a repeat of that pizza delivery… Or worse. Fortunately, he always made extra sure Tom’s drinks were right, so he reassured his racing mind with that fact.

“Yes, sir, I did,” he replied. Doubtful, Tom popped the lid of his drink open to check himself. Everything seemed to be in order.

“You _actually_ managed to do it. Maybe you DO care about your customers!” Snickering, Tom waved Spongebob away. Eyes downcast, the other turned and padded back to his station. Squidward was on the verge of marching right over to the table and slamming Tom’s smug face into the burger – resisting that urge took every ounce of his self-control.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the day dragged on. Spongebob had understandably gone quiet, and Squidward spent his time thinking about all of the ways he could repay Tom for his immeasurable _kindness_. At closing time, Squidward watched his coworker leave carefully. “See ya,” the blond muttered impassively as he grabbed his coat and shuffled out the door, not quite paying any actual attention to those around him.

Squidward now had a few options – he could go home himself and forget about it all, he could go have a few _choice words_ with Tom, or he could go see if Spongebob needed… 

_Comfort_.

It seemed Squidward’s feet suddenly began moving on their own – he didn’t even have time to consider or conceptualize his decision. He was already leaving. He didn’t realize what he was doing until he was in front of a pineapple house. He paused to look up at it, wondering for a moment why he was here. It didn’t matter _that_ much, did it..? 

 

The aura of gloom emanating from the house said yes.

 

Squidward honestly just felt _sad –_ a resonating hollowness in his chest _–_ sure, he got yelled at by customers plenty too, ~~but he deserved it~~ but it was different. The little guy worked too hard to deserve that crap. He wasn’t particularly in the mood to risk getting his ass kicked at the moment, and just going home and ignoring it wasn’t actually an option either because it would never leave his mind. That left him with only one possible course of action. So, with a deep breath, he gave the front door a good firm knock. He wasn’t going to think very hard about how odd this was. He was doing what he felt – what his _heart_ told him to do.

 

“Come in.”

 

Opening the door, he found the person he was looking for curled up in a pile of plush blankets on his couch, snacking on brownies and watching television. Gary snoozed away beside him, seemingly unbothered by the disturbance. The room was dark save for the lambent glow of the screen. “… Hey,” Squidward said lamely as he took a few steps inside, noting how tired Spongebob looked. That same unresponsive look was on his face – it was listless and tinged with melancholy. Surprisingly, there didn’t seem to be a single trace of tears.

“Hi.” It was a low, short sound that held no welcome in it. It wasn’t an unfriendly greeting per se, just… Apathetic. Spongebob’s gaze was drawn to his visitor briefly before it returned to his show. The moment hung uncomfortably; Squidward didn’t want to intrude, but… The dejection in those dull blue eyes _hurt_. He strode over to the couch and sat himself down next to the lethargic lump. Spongebob intruded on _his_ brooding all the time, so whatever! He’d just have to deal with it!

“What are you watching?” Squidward asked as casually as he possibly could while he settled back. He wasn’t going to think about this at ALL. _Just go with it, Squiddy._ Spongebob flinched a little at the movement before eyeing him curiously, but didn’t seem to question it too much because he nodded back at the TV. He allowed his blankets to fall and pool around his waist, and set the plate of half-eaten brownies down on the table in front of them.

“Um, Ratatouille…”

“Oh?” Squidward took a look – a young man who had just been hired at an upscale restaurant was struggling to cook while a rat darted about, fixing up the food he’d been attempting to make. He wasn’t at all surprised that Spongebob had picked a movie about cooking, even if it had been a subconscious choice. “I’m shocked you’re not crying yet.”

“It’s—it’s still early in the movie.”

“Doesn’t usually stop you,” Squidward teased with a smirk. That smirk fell when he only received a sigh. He watched a few more minutes of the film, seeing Linguini’s ruthless and hateful boss criticize him, and was reminded of what had happened earlier. He wondered if Spongebob was thinking about it too… Must’ve been, with that expression. 

 

It was time to do what he’d come here to do.

 

* * *

 

His next decision wasn’t one that was normally made lightly – it was something he didn’t usually do, nor was it something he was accustomed to. It was awkward, and if he thought about it too much he’d chicken out. Hopefully Spongebob wouldn’t make too big of a deal over it; if he did, it would reactivate Squidward’s defenses and he would inevitably flee in embarrassment. Squidward took a moment to clear his mind and focused on his sole goal of soothing his neighbor. Exhaling, he reached out and wrapped an arm gently around Spongebob’s shoulders, then tugged him close. Spongebob squeaked in surprise – he’d been tilted to the side and his head was now pressed against his friend’s chest. When he looked up, there was a question in his eyes, but no sound came from his gaping mouth. Squidward merely nodded to him to confirm that it was alright.

Spongebob was left confused – Squidward was _hugging_ him..? _Willingly?_ Why…

… Squidward was so magnificently _warm._ Spongebob soon found that he didn’t have the energy to deliberate on the implications of this. Ordinarily he would, but… Maybe he’d mull it over later. For now, he experimentally brought the blankets up over the both of them and when Squidward (startlingly) didn’t protest, he tucked himself into his side comfortably while the other kept an arm around him. Grateful for the heat, he nuzzled close.

 

“Who _cares_ about the customer, Spongebob?”

“… _I_ do.” Squidward caught a tiny hint of a smile tug at Spongebob’s lips when he responded. That pizza delivery had been a rough time, but at least they could joke about it now.

“Well I _don’t,_ and neither should you. Look at that guy.” He gestured to Chef Skinner who was in the middle of lambasting Linguini for the umpteenth time. “They’re just like him. If they don’t care about you, why care about them?” Oh boy, he’d be having a crisis over _that_ statement in regards to himself and his general treatment of Spongebob after he got home…

“Because I like making people happy and I like doing my job right,” Spongebob answered, slowly being lulled into complete relaxation by the sound of the beating heart against his ear, the familiar scent filling his nostrils, the warmth enveloping him, and the beautifully animated city of Paris. Squidward glanced down at his fluffy blond hair, quiet for a moment.

“… You can’t please everyone. You should put more energy into yourself – you don’t need to cater to some asshole’s every selfish whim to do your job right. He shouldn’t have the freedom to treat you like that,” he finally said. Being so unused to comforting Spongebob, his cheeks reddened a little, but he ignored the feeling. He absentmindedly gave Spongebob’s shoulder a squeeze, beginning to rub his thumb in circles against the soft fabric.

“I know… But it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.” A shiver ran up Spongebob’s spine. That felt nice. That felt _really_ nice. Even the simplest of touches made him happy. Oh, _heaven…_ He sure was one lucky guy!

“Yeah, but you _really_ don’t have to make sure you put a certain amount of ice cubes in someone’s drink. If _you_ don’t want to punch someone in the face for pushing you around like that, I have no problem doing it for you.” Squidward meant that, too. If that meant getting beaten up for Spongebob’s sake… Oh well. The customer wasn’t always right and he would stand by that notion. It hurt too much to see Spongebob like this – it was weird to actually… _Want_ to comfort Spongebob, but it also felt kind of _good_ for some reason. It eased the sorrowful ache in his chest, and he hoped it eased the one in Spongebob’s, too. He couldn’t bring himself to look into his neighbor’s eyes as he spoke, but it became exceedingly apparent that he was staring.

 

Spongebob gawked for a few moments, having gone scarlet – that was probably one of the nicest things Squidward had ever said to him. The man he loved had honestly just stated that he was willing to stand up for him, to defend his honor, if need be. It was… Wow. Just… _Wow_. He could scarcely believe it, but no – no wondering about it for now. No causing a scene. Just accept it. Let the happiness wash over you. Don’t _think_ about it – just _feel_ it. “… Thank you,” he whispered, tears rushing to his eyes. To stave them off, he buried his face into Squidward’s collarbone and took some deep breaths, clutching him tightly. Once calmer, he sniffled and did his best to return his concentration to the television. A movie, the comfort of a best friend, brownies, and a sleepy snail. It was a bad day turned into the best day ever!

“Mm.” Squidward said nothing – he instead kept himself preoccupied with rubbing Spongebob’s shoulder and the story of a rat and a man going against all odds and those who tried to smack them down to help each other realize their dreams. They protected one another… Just as he’d try to protect Spongebob. Tom would get what was coming to him someday.

The pair stayed together the whole night, marathoning movies and gorging on junk food. There were tears and there was laughter. As baffling as it was, Squidward had a genuinely good time. Hanging out with Spongebob wasn’t _always_ so bad… And he seemed to be feeling better, which was all Squidward had wanted. He’d deal with whatever weird feelings arose from it later. Maybe – just maybe – he could sort of _thank_ Tom in some twisted way, because his shitty actions enabled he and his neighbor to bond and gave him the chance to be a good friend for once in his life. So thanks, Tom. Your assholeishness really brought people together!


End file.
